Tick Tock

One week to go!

Two nights ago I had a good cry. That's probably about it for me. I am not a crier...though I know that's not necessarily a good thing. I'll leave that for my therapist to handle...

Anyhoo. A week. Luckily, a week filled with things other than staring at some ominous count-down calendar or filling out pre-op paperwork.

I've got the Christmas work party on Saturday. Before that, I have two good friends from Seattle I get to hang with. And there's being a mom which includes but is not limited to: the friendly nudges to do homework, the endurance of many an eye-roll aimed in my general direction, snuggles. Then theres the never-ending list of pets that need attention and care. Work. Everyone knows now - which is weird. A couple of days ago one of the girls I've worked with in the Resource Room said to me, "Miss Lutz, my friend (so and so) had a friend who had to have some brain surgeries and after that she talked funny. So, you might talk funny after your surgery, too." Thank you for those words of encouragement. I tried not to laugh, and assured her that my surgery wasn't as serious, and that that wouldn't happen to me. Another boy I work with casually asked 'how my tumor was doing.' Kids are awesome.

Most days I do think I'll be just fine. Those of you who've had anesthesia know that it's kind of scary handing yourself over to people in such a way. You are totally vulnerable. I'm actually glad that I had surgery this past summer for endometriosis, because it prepared me for what going into surgery is like. The only surgery I'd had before that was when I was eleven, so the details are a bit foggy. So the handing over is the hardest part - and the rest - well that's just brain surgery.

Could things go wrong? Could I die? Of course. But you don't think that way. Or you try not to. And the chances are very slim that anything like that would happen. So, I bought myself a Ukulele book yesterday because I haven't been playing my Uke, and I'm forgetting all I learned from the week of lessons I had at Guitar Camp. I think that playing the Uke would be a nice, mellow thing to do while I'm recovering...And so you see, I'm looking ahead. My calendar doesn't stop at the 18th, it continues like everyone elses does, and I need to remind myself of that at times.

Tick tock. Tick tock.